This Moment in The Rain
by Mors Ante Infamia
Summary: Songfic to Jewel's "Foolish Games"...The small miracle of throwing caution to the winds and gaining a love greater than life


"This Moment in the Rain"  
  
It was 9:30 in the morning and Lily Evans ran a hand through her hair as she tossed the Daily Prophet into the garbage a few feet away. She leaned back at her kitchen table, cradling a mug of tea and staring out the window into the depths of the pouring rain. Hearing a knock at the door, she sighed and drew herself out of her thoughts. Could it be Calista? No, she wasn't due back from work for hours and besides, she had a key. Deciding it was the postman, she ignored the knock and went back to her confused thoughts. Hearing another knock, she sighed and got to her feet. She looked out her glass door, thinking she would see her mail laying in the rain.  
  
Lily blinked in surprise. On her front steps there lay a dark blue cloak, slightly damp but not completely soaked through. She recognised that old cloak. It belonged to James Potter, whom Lily had dated in school and had had a painful break-up with. She ran a hand through her hair again as she slowly looked up at the road in front of her. There, standing on her walkway in all his glory was James Potter himself, still looking as fit as he had before and grinning slightly at her. She felt the familiar blush rise up on her cheeks and the tumble in her stomach.  
  
You took your coat off and stood in the rain,  
  
You're always crazy like that.  
  
And I watched from my window,  
  
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.  
  
He walked slowly up the steps and stood in the doorway. Lily did not move to open the door, being to shocked to even think straight. They stared at each other through the glass door, and James ruffled his own hair, looking quite calm and still smiling slightly at the look on her face.  
  
You're always the mysterious one with  
  
Dark eyes and careless hair,  
  
You were fashionably sensitive  
  
But too cool to care.  
  
"Alright Lily," he said softly, his face downcast and trying to get her to make eye contact. "This is – some uh...rather wet weather we're having?" he looked pleadingly at her.  
  
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say  
  
Besides some comment on the weather.  
  
"What are you doing here James?" Lily said just as softly, franticly searching for something else to look at besides his dark purple eyes, eyes that could always see into her soul. She did not want him to look at her that way anymore – and if she made eye contact she didn't know what she would do.  
  
Well in case you failed to notice,  
  
In case you failed to see,  
  
This is my heart bleeding before you,  
  
This is me down on my knees, and...  
  
"I came to see you Lily I – I miss you." James dropped his eyes to the cold concrete beneath his feet and let the rain just fall over him, not bothering to pick up his coat.  
  
"James I – What about Kaitlyn? Or Marisa, or Chelsea, or Hilary even? Have you hurt them too? Have you slept with other women knowing you had someone at home who loved you more than life itself?" Lily felt her welled up tears fall and her hands ball into frustrated fists.  
  
These foolish games are tearing me apart,  
  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.  
  
You're breaking my heart.  
  
"Please Lily, let me come inside. I need to talk to you, and this can't wait another moment. Lily please – don't leave me out here. Don't let it rain."  
  
More tears fell from her eyes, and Lily struggled against a loud sob that was threatening to escape. She wordlessly opened her door and stood aside to let him in. He went straight to the kitchen where they had spent many mornings together before, talking about anything and everything, or just grinning foolishly at one another.  
  
You're always brilliant in the morning,  
  
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.  
  
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you. You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones  
  
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.  
  
He pointedly ignored the living room, where their last day had been, after she had found out what he'd done. That room was where it began – and where it ended. He felt tears well up in his own eyes but refused to let them fall. Lily looked at the room with a mixture of despair, agony and frustration. She had long since been no longer angry – and all that had been left was an aching pain.  
  
She fiddled with her hands once she and James had taken their respective seats around the kitchen table. She finally placed them around her tea. She didn't drink it but merely let tears fall into it, creating little pools and ripples. .  
  
You'd teach me of honest things,  
  
Things that were daring, things that were clean.  
  
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.  
  
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.  
  
Somewhere along the line, I must've gone  
  
Off track with you.  
  
"Lily I was sitting in a bar last night with Sirius, watching everyone who came in and out, not really paying attention to what he was saying. Every girl that came in, some beautiful some plain – none of them where right for me. None of them had the Lily quality – and that's all I've been looking for, for the past year Lily. The quality that made you special was just – you. I can't explain it."  
  
"Oh James –"  
  
"Please – let me finish. Lily I know that I've made you suffer the worst kind of pain. I've always loved you Lily, ever since that first day I saw you at the train station – with your hair all on top of your head in some sort of messy bun and your mother holding your hand as you stared, fascinated, at everything around you. Lily please, I can't live without you – and I don't know what to say to make everything better. But I can't go on without you – I just can't"  
  
"James...no. I can't go through this with you again. It took me 6 years to finally trust that I wasn't another notch on your bedpost. That I meant something to you. And look what you did! I can't even look at you anymore without thinking about how much I trusted you – and how much you betrayed me. James please, just leave. I can't love you anymore – I can't do this. You don't know what you're doing to me!"  
  
James grabbed her hands and the mug of tea slipped to the floor, but neither seemed to hear the resounding crash.  
  
"It isn't true! Tell me Lily – tell me that even after everything I've done, how fucking STUPID I've been you don't love me. Look me in the eyes Lily, tell me!"  
  
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else,  
  
Somebody who gave a damn,  
  
Somebody more like myself.  
  
"Please James! Don't do this to me again! I can't go through all that pain, I just can't!"  
  
"What can I do Lily?"  
  
"What? Nothing! There is nothing you can do nothing that would make me forget 6 years of speculating whether I was something more to you! Wondering whether I was good enough for James Potter! Hoping to God what everyone was telling me about you and other girls wasn't true! Don't make me waste more time on you James! I've never felt so many emotions with one person and I'm so scared I can't even blink, I can't breath!"  
  
These foolish games are tearing me apart  
  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart  
  
You're breaking my heart  
  
She wrenched her hands from his and ran to the door. She grabbed his cloak and shoved it at him.  
  
He fastened his cloak over his shoulders and too her hands in his. "I have never been more sorry at any other time in my life Lily. It's only you I thought about all those nights away from you this year. I can't explain why I did it in the first place. I just can't – They can't hold a candle to you in anything You have so many things that they don't! And you loved me Lily. You loved me for who I was and not because I was James Potter the Quidditch player or James Potter one of the Marauders. You loved me because was James. Just James. I have never stopped loving you, for you Lily. I have never stopped dreaming about you. About your hair, your eyes, your mouth, your dreams, your laughter...you Lily. I have never stopped loving you. And I never will"  
  
James didn't look at her as he walked out of the door, not giving up but not wanting to hurt her more. He walked into the rain and turned around, Just for one last look at her. She was standing on the porch, rain falling on her hair and trickling down her cheeks. Raising her head she looked at him.  
  
She blinked. She took a breath.  
  
James felt tears drop onto his face, mingling with the rain that dripped down his cheeks. His cloak found it's way to the ground once more. He held out his arms and in one stride she was there, and he was hugging her, kissing every part of her face and remembering the feel of her back and the contours of her hips.  
  
They fell to the ground, and she was sobbing, and they both just lay there in the rain. Not caring that some of Lily's neighbours were giving them weird looks through their curtains, or that rain was soaking them through. Lily looked at James and stared deep into his eyes, feeling her stomach flip flop. And, taking his face in her hands, she kissed him softly, savouring this moment. This moment in the rain.  
  
You took your coat off,  
  
Stood in the rain,  
  
You're always crazy like that. 


End file.
